Relaxation and calming techniques
Children experience big emotions and as parents we experience them too! The smallest change or thwarted desire can bring on, what seems to us, an extreme and unreasonable response. We have to remember that we have different priorities and are motivated by different drivers. Young children follow their inner needs to explore and grow using all their senses and time is irrelevant to them. We tend to focus on schedules and a tick list of tasks to complete as well as being influenced by social etiquette and constraints. Enabling children to express themselves emotionally is important and guiding them to be able to self-regulate their big emotions when things don’t go smoothly is a valuable lifelong skill. Here are some ideas to diffuse those ‘melt down’ moments.
Deep breathing – a great place to start and something that you can practice together even when they’re very young. Explore using various items to make it fun and this will motivate them to develop the technique more easily. Try some of these and see which they enjoy the most:
Blowing bubbles, feathers, dandelions or pinwheels whilst you count the breath – Big breath in, hold for 3, and blow out for 4, pause and repeat
Shape breathing – trace around a shape on a card with their finger as they count as before
Imagine smelling flowers as they breath in and blowing candles for out breath
Big movement – encourage them to reach their arms up – breath in, arms down – breath out
Belly breathing – chose a toy or put their hands belly to notice how is moves in and out with their breath
Grounding and co regulating – Another strategy that is easy to do together which increases their focus and awareness of their senses, developing a state of mindfulness.
Start with 5 things you can see, name 4 things you can feel, name 3 things you can hear, name 2 things you can smell and name 1 thing you can taste
Visualisation – A powerful tool that needs preparation and practice but then it’s constantly available wherever you are in the world. Focus on something that makes them smile, a place that brings them joy and makes them feel safe or a special happy memory, create a tool bag of detailed images with your child. Similar to the grounding technique, when feelings are overwhelming, go to a quiet place and recall in detail these images, discussing all the senses. Encourage them to recall how they felt emotionally and label those feelings – excited, calm, relaxed, proud, happy
Calm down place/toolbox – If the meltdowns usually happen in the same place such as home or school, it can be helpful to create a calm/safe environment to escape to and use the strategies we’ve discussed. Involving your child to find that space is important, it can be a bench or special area at school or a cosy space in their room or garden, even under a blanket thrown over a couple of chairs. In that area you can collect a few objects or activities that they can use to refocus e.g. a glitter jar/snow globe, putty or playdough, stress ball, fidget gadget, stretch bands, light up toys, doodle pads. This empowers them to begin to independently calm their emotions and control when they are ready to re-engage.
Mindfulness/Exercise/Music – Some children need to express and offload their emotions through bigger physical movement such as kicking a ball, skipping, star jumps or running on the spot and dancing to music. Others may benefit from yoga poses, stretching, massage, texture bags. Noise cancellation headphones may help if loud noise is overwhelming
Journaling -Older children may find it helpful to write down their thoughts and feelings or use crafts and drawing to express themselves.
I hope you found these ideas useful and remember…
